Trimming England by M.J. Nicholls

Author:M.J. Nicholls
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Sagging Meniscus Press
Published: 2021-04-15T00:00:00+00:00

[WILTSHIRE]

NAME: CROCUS NIGHTSHADE M.P.

AGE: 48

SENTENCE: 25.5 YEARS

CRIME: BLABBEROONIFICATION

STATEMENT:

There is no denying, Andrew, and permit me to pound this point into the brainface of the nation, that the proliferation of cloudproducts, whether in the form of straggly, vertically unwinded minidrips, or in the form of fatter, blownandblitzed bigass bad’uns, is arriving in this country, this stunning sexykisslips known as Britain, and it is important, it is important—permit me to finish, Mr. Kerr—it is important that in this county, and one has to remember, or two have to forget, the opposition the opposition the opposition, in 1992, in 1997, in 2004, so it is not our fault, I want to make that clearer than a prism up a column of wellwindowlened glass, that the sandbaggeries in place to protect the beautiful wonderfulness of this proud nation—I am proud, I am proud, Andrew—should help, when the fluffy nemeses release their highrisk wetness onto the paves and ments and floors of those places, and the opposition might snap a twig in the face of a crying child, O no, not us. Wear socks, plebs.

MEANING:

In twelve minutes, Wiltshire will be mostly underwater.

STATEMENT:

Let me show abserstruse clarityness, if you will permit me to start, Andylips, if you will let me pulverize this point in the name of political honorsty, lacking lacking lacking opposition opposition not us O no no no, and that point, arriving in this sentence following a short skittle of filler syllables, that with the ratification of the unification treaty, if one considers the implications of a deratification of a reunification in a rogue nation, and if two don’t, then three must consider the nonimplications of unconsidering such a thinglet—Andrew, I am speaking here, thank you—that our county, and I am in concurrence with the Prim Ministeress—fantastic woman, strong leader, precisely who we need— and, in spite, our firmclamp on a polinoncy to never currywurst with tyrants, whether tyrannically inclined, or inclinally tyranted, there is in fact, and I have been clear and always have been clear on this, as clear as quartz on the invisible man’s wrists, or that, and sometimes there, never then—listen up, Andrew!—that parts of Corsham might find itsselves burnywarmer than usual, perhaps subatomically, however, this has nothing to do with us and the opposition drown babies. Bunker up, slobs.

MEANING:

In twelve minutes, an Iranian missile will poleaxe Corsham.

STATEMENT:

As I hoof along the length breadth and width of this proud country, this warmbummed united kingamongkingsdom, people say to me, they say to me, through my staff, they say to me, in unopened letters, they say to me, that their hardearned monies, their goodlygrafted lucres, their toughschlepped moolahs, they say that they would prefer, and I agree with myself on this, and I’m sure you do too, or perhaps you don’t— which I take issue with, I take umbrage with, and the opposition hammers nails into the faces of orphans, and if you don’t believe me, read Allan Willbrown’s piece in The Daily Noonah—and now, to the nexus of my natter, to

Download

Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.